On Being a 30-Year-Old Child

My mom flew out with me to Boston about a month ago. Two weeks ago, my dad joined us to both check out my living arrangements and make sure that my brother was getting settled in smoothly. Today, both mom and dad flew back to California. Upon dropping them off at the airport, I was immediately struck with a feeling of loss. I don't know who started crying first, but I totally lost all composure when I saw my father, whom I've never once seen cry, get teary-eyed and speechless. I was in tears driving back home, and cried for about an hour after. I thankfully had plans to meet up with a friend tonight, so I didn't let myself sit in sadness all evening. But even now, I'm writing with a lump in my throat.

I feel slightly embarrassed at myself for feeling so emotional about saying bye to mom and dad. This is worse than when they dropped me off for college. Actually, even worse than when they first sent me to pre-school, because according to them, I skipped off to school without so much a glance backwards. Obviously, this is different. I'm now on the opposite side of the country, and will be living here indefinitely. For now, while I'm only starting my career, I can't assume that this move is only a temporary stopover. I really am setting out on my own for the first time in my life.

But the thing is, I'm actually really excited about starting my new job and living in my own place. As much as I enjoyed having mom and dad stay with me these last weeks, I was thinking how nice it would be to claim all of my space and determine my own routine. As if hosting my parents in my modest apartment were like an extended family road trip, I even found myself getting testy with my parents and welcoming functions at school just so I could get some me-time.

So the sadness I'm feeling isn't really about fear of being on my own. It's actually about just the opposite. I'm realizing that my being able to be on my own is largely because of all that my parents have given me. I could not buy my new home if it weren't for my father, who helped me with the downpayment. I could not settle into my new home if it weren't for my mother, who helped me paint my walls, assemble my furniture, and kept me company while I tried to figure out the city. And it is because of both of their patience and unconditional support that I was able to make it through my graduate program and allow myself the freedom to search nation-wide for my first tenure-track position. There are parents who, either consciously or not, prevent their children from fully pursuing their aspirations. I am exceedingly lucky to have parents who work every minute of their lives to ensure that my brother and I are able to pursue ours, even if that means that we won't be nearby enough to take care of them.

But it's not a sense of filial guilt that's making me weepy. I very simply like being near my parents. I love them as my parents and like them as people. I credit them for instilling in me attributes that I take the most pride in. So when I say that I will miss them, it really means simply that.

I suppose I should just remind myself that my family has always been superb at keeping in touch. Tonight, when I stepped out of South Station, I got a brilliant view of fireworks from downtown. I have no idea what the occasion was, but I can't wait to tell mom and dad about it.

Mashers!

My brother and I will each be living on our own for the first time in our lives. This is how we shared our feelings about it.

Bro: As much as I loved my roommates, I can't wait to have my own place.

Me: Yeah, I think it'll be alright in an apartment. But living alone in a house would freak me out. No matter how much a roommate could get on my nerves, I still preferred to have someone else in the house.

Bro: Yeah, that one time when mom and dad went out of town, and I thought it would be really fun to have the house to myself, I totally freaked out at any little noise. I turned on every light in every room, turned on every tv, and just stayed in bed in their room.

Me: Aww, why their room?

Bro: Because my room is at the front of the house, and I kept thinking someone would burst through the window!

Me: Yeah, I'd be afraid that the mashers would come out and get me.

Bro: The what?

Me: Mashers!

Bro: Huh?

Me: You know, bad guys who come in and mash you up...

Bro: Mash you up?

Me: Yeah, like with a meat tenderizer.

Bro: What? Why a meat tenderizer?

Me: Cuz that would be super painful! Like worse than a shanking.

Bro: Uh, I dunno about that. I mean, couldn't you defend yourself against a dinky little meat tenderizer?

Me: No, not one of those little wooden ones. A big ass metal one! With spikes! All your bones would get mashed into little bits!

Bro: Ohmygod, that's what you're saying? Mashers! I thought you were just saying "monster" in some weird accent. You fucking weirdo...

Me: Mashers!

Bro: But who the hell would carry around a big ass meat tenderizer?

Me: I dunno, a viking. With, like, a big hat with horns.

Bro: So that's your worst nightmare. A viking comes into your house in the middle of the night and mashes your legs with a giant meat tenderizer.

Me: MASHERS!

Bro: So there's more than one masher? There's like a clan of viking mashers?

Me: [laughing] I guess!

Bro: [laughing] Are they actual vikings or just dudes dressed as vikings?

Me: [laughing] Does it matter?

Bro: [laughing] I guess not...

Me: [laughing]

[Mom pokes her head in the room.]

Mom: [In Cantonese] Hey! Do you two know what time it is? Stop being so loud!

Me: [giggling]

Bro: Shhh!!

Me: [giggling]

[Mom leaves.]

Me: See, masher!

Bro: HAHAHA!! Can you imagine mom in a viking costume??

Me: HAHAHAHA!! But she actually would use the little wooden meat tenderizers! One in each hand!

Bro: HAHAHAHA!!! [mimicking mom yelling at us in Mandarin] "Wan Ba Dan!"

Me: HAHAHA, ohmygod...

Bro: Heeheehee...

Me: ...

Bro: Well, I guess that's sort of like that one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where Anya's cousin shows up and he's like, a big ogre viking.

Me: See, Joss Whedon understands my nightmares.

Bro: Joss Whedon is a genius.

Me: ...

Bro: ...

Me: Though I guess if a masher had a giant ass meat tenderizer, it would be pretty easy to dodge him. That thing would be heavy.

Bro: HAHAHAHA!!!

END.

Things I've Learned While Getting Settled Into the Northeast

1.) Moving companies can deliver your stuff whenever the hell they want. In spite of my checking in with Mayflower, the company I hired, about the status of my cargo, they ended up delivering my belongings an entire week later than I had requested. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with this practice, so long as they deliver within the time range they give themselves. When I complained to the moving agent about the costs and inconveniences of being stranded in an empty condo, she simply said, "Well, technically we could have delivered your things as late as August 6." My advice to those who are doing a big move: Pack or immediately buy upon your arrival an air mattress, toiletries, plenty of underwear, and something to boil water in.

2.) As much as I fancy myself a cosmopolitan person who supports small business and resists the homogenization of American society, I unapologetically admit to loving superstores. I was never so relieved to drive (thankfully the moving company delivered my car on time) outside of Boston to a town that had a Costco, Home Depot, and IKEA all in one place. One stop shopping, FTW.

3.) My mother is a powerhouse. While helping me get settled in, she has done heavy lifting, assembled furniture, navigated unknown roads, and with more energy than I'm able to muster. And she's twice my age. Either she's incredibly strong or I'm incredibly out of shape.

4.) New York City is crazy. I went there with my brother to look for his apartment. The process of finding a rental is absurd. Most landlords will only talk to a broker. No-fee apartments are usually more expensive anyway, so you'd might as well go through a broker who demands 15% of the price of rent. Place get snatched up right away, so you're pressured to sign on the first thing that looks remotely livable. And god, the prices. $1600/month is the standard for a tiny, run-down studio in Manhattan. The subway system is a puzzle. The weather during the summer is wretched. And people are cranky. But there's also always something magical about the city, about seeing in front of you landmarks that you've seen over and over again in movies, art, and television. That my brother gets to live in a city where he can go shopping in Times Square at 1 am and catch a Broadway show any night of the week does make me a bit envious. But still, New York City is crazy.

5.) People in the northeast don't wait for walk signals. Pedestrians just walk when they feel like it.

6.) There's a surprisingly large Chinese community in Boston and its surrounding areas. My mom and I drove out to Quincy, which feels like a small, very white, beach town. And yet, tucked within the historical sites and Irish pubs is a cluster of Chinese-run businesses. We found a huge Chinese supermarket and were able to get all the necessary ingredients for my mom's signature dishes, which I'm trying to learn to make.

7.) Shopping on Newbury Street will be my new temptation and weakness.

8.) Food is definitely more superior in California.

9.) The MBTA is great. And I like that I see people reading while riding it.

10.) I'm really loving owning my own place. And I'm really excited about building my life in this city.