AsianGirlProf's (Mis)Adventures in Dating

A few years ago, there was an emergence of Asian American chick lit, with the release of books such as Kim Wong Keltner's The Dim Sum of All Things, Blossom Kan's China Dolls, and Sonia Singh's Bollywood Confidential. These novels are modeled after Sex and the City and Bridget Jones's Diary, but with Asian female protagonists. They center on 30-something-year-old professional women who enjoy designer shoes and fancy martinis, and who create adventures for themselves dating a bevy of (mostly non-Asian) men. Not exactly an original formula, and as the titles indicate, these books are also generally poorly written. Several of my Asian American girlfriends told me that I should have ridden that wave and written my own chick lit novel as a way to vent my dating frustrations. Too bad I was busy writing my dissertation (pesky scholarly work of intellectual value) and missed that boat. I guess I'll have to settle for writing my own Tiger Mom novel before that storm passes.

Still, given that every other aspect of my life is hopelessly boring, I probably should write about my experiences circulating in the dating pool. That way, even the worst date won't turn out to be a total waste of time, so long as a good story comes out of it. I can't promise that my writing will be any good, either. I don't have that breezy writing voice that's most suited for this genre, and I'm perhaps too self-conscious about exploiting ethnic stereotypes for the sake of entertainment. But at the very least my stories will come from the perspective of a 30-something-year-old professional woman who can't afford the shoes she covets, who will often prefer a beer over a martini, and who tends to (either on purpose or not) date nerdy Asian men. Doesn't exactly sound like juicy blogging fodder, but might be a fun experiment anyway.

Once I figure out where I want to begin, I'll post Chapter One!

How Do Normal People Do It?

Yikes, has it really been four months since I've updated this blog? Blah blah, I've been busy, blah blah, being a professor is hard, blah blah... Everyone seems to belong to the Cult of Busy, so I don't think my life is any more special or important than anyone else's. But still, these last few months have got me asking, "How do people do it?"

And by "do it," I mean lead a normal and fulfilling life.

I think I've had a pretty productive first year on my tenure track. I've taught successful classes, did some department and university service, took on a few student advisees, revised and resubmitted an article, wrote a draft of another, applied to a few conferences, wrote papers for those conferences (the first new work since finishing my dissertation), got elected to the executive board of one of my academic associations, and participated in all those obligatory odds and ends meetings and things that are constantly happening on campus. My chair and primary evaluator gave me a positive evaluation, and my contract is still in tact.

And yet, though I should be entirely satisfied with how I've transitioned into this job, I can't help but hear the incessant ticking of the tenure clock. I really wish I could have done more: submitted the second article, got started on my book proposal, just did more plain ol' reading. I look at some of my colleagues around me and wonder how on earth they can be so damn prolific. For me, squeezing out a paper really does feel like pooping a watermelon most of the time.

There is the stereotype of the nutty professor whose entire life is his/her work. There could be some truth to that, especially for women. Several women whom I admire churn out book after book, article after article. They get invited to give guest lectures at universities halfway across the world. People travel halfway across the world to see them at conferences. They actually receive grants for the research they do. But these women are also single, have had to uproot themselves every few years, whenever another institution offers them a more lucrative position, and will never have children. At least from an outsider's perspective, these rock stars are only so because their work is their life.

I've gotten a lot of career advice over the years, but no one has ever been able to tell exactly what it takes to "make it" in this profession. Am I supposed to be putting every ounce of energy into this work? How many hours a day should I be devoting to my writing? How many books should I be reading in a week? Can I afford to do anything else?

I don't even want to be an academic rock star. I would be perfectly content working for the rest of my life at a lesser-known institution with tenure requirements that encourage faculty to strike a healthy balance between teaching, research, and service while also allowing them to have lives outside of the university. And by the looks of it, my current institution should be such a place, but I feel as though I'm already struggling to keep afloat. And I know for a fact that it's only going to get harder next year and the next, as I get asked to take on more responsibilities like sit on committees and start up programs on campus. I'm really starting to understand when people say that a professor's job never stops.

But I need it to stop once in a while. I need to be able to put work aside and go to my Taekwondo classes, choir rehearsals, volunteer activities. I need to be able to sit down at my electric piano and just bang out some Beethoven for an hour. I need to attend the parties that my friends throw. I need to help my friends when they need a favor. I need to visit my family. I need to host friends when they come to visit. I need to maintain my home so that it's not disgusting. I need to go on dates! (Dating, I've always thought, is practically a parttime job in and of itself, which is probably why I've never been very good at it.) I need to allow myself rest when I get sick (as I did for the whole friggin' month of March). I need to imagine that should I one day in the not so distant future get married and start a family, that I could do so without feeling as though I'm throwing away the career I worked so hard to attain.

Can I do it all? I know several female academics who have families and hobbies in addition to prosperous careers. And they seem like well adjusted individuals, and as far as I know they don't have secret coke habits. But maybe they're also out-of-this-world brilliant and are able to come up with ideas and produce them at a fraction of time it takes for me to do the same. Is that what it takes? Is that how they do it?

So yeah, long story short: I've been busy. It's been a good busy, but overwhelming nonetheless.

Blah.