We Did It!

My commencement ceremony was last Thursday, which was then followed by my brother's commencement on Friday. And if graduations were typically celebrated with the kind of hoopla that weddings are, my family would certainly know how to play up the pomp and circumstance. It doesn't matter that graduation ceremonies are tedious and boring, and that attending two of them in different states within a span of 24 hours was going to be one big pain in the ass. My family makes recognizing educational achievement a top priority. I'm pretty sure my mom would be more upset if I were to ditch my PhD commencement than if I were to get hitched via elopement.

If it weren't for the fact that both my brother and I are planning big moves to the east coast this summer, and if it weren't for the fact that I just purchased a condo (with my parents facilitating the down payment), and if it weren't for the fact that my generally frugal family isn't loaded, we would have hosted a banquet in honor of my and my brother's joint commencements. And why not? As it is, I was already ordering announcements and spending a lot of dough on my dress (aka super expensive regalia). Might as well make the whole event official, complete with gift registry and everything. In fact, before we had anticipated that we would graduate on the same year, my brother (the king of party-throwers) had my PhD party all planned out. It would take place in the fabulous backyard of my aunt and uncle's house. (In fact, their house would be great for an intimate wedding.) The theme would be "In Her Shoes"-- In honor of my shoe addiction, but also because, duh, who wouldn't want to be in my shoes? Guests would be required to wear black and/or white, unless they were a holder of a PhD, in which case they can come in color. (I would probably wear magenta.) And, of course, all in attendance have to come wearing their best pair of shoes. For sure, there would be dancing and lots of booze. Had we had the time or money to throw it, that party would have been more fun than most weddings I've been to.

But we managed to do it up right anyway. My parents, along with my closest aunts, uncles and cousins, drove up to Davis the day of my commencement. We did a banquet style lunch at a favorite Chinese restaurant, to which I was able to invite a table of my best friends from graduate school. After lunch, we headed over to an uncle's house and had champagne. My family was an awesome cheering section as they saw me get hooded. Lots of pictures, chit-chat with my dissertation chair, who served as my faculty escort. My cousin made me a lei with fifty carefully origamied $1 bills. I then had to drive home with my family that night, because we all had to catch a plane to Seattle first thing in the morning. Upon arriving in Seattle, we basically only had enough time to get a quick lunch before heading over to my brother's undergraduate commencement ceremony. As tired as we were, we were really excited to hear his name being called. He had already set the tone by decorating his robe with glitter. We're not necessarily noisy people, but we know how to make ourselves stand out. After his ceremony, we went to a fantastic restaurant called Etta's. After that, the older folks went back to the hotel as my brother, cousin and I went out clubbing to the wee hours of the morning. We spent the rest of the weekend helping my brother pack, treating his roommates to dinner, and meeting their families.

So our celebrations were fairly modest, but no small deal, given that so many people I know seem to forgo graduation celebrations altogether. Even my dad, who's typically a tightwad when it comes to unnecessary expenses and doesn't really believe in rituals and traditions, happily footed the bill for one big dinner after another. Relatives who couldn't make it to the celebrations have been sending me generous red envelopes congratulating me on my achievement. Which makes the complete lack of congrats from some friends for whom I shelled out a lot of money and energy for their bachelorette parties, weddings, baby showers, etc., all the more meaningful (and sad).

I know that I can only say this because we're privileged enough to afford any kind of celebration, but I'm really glad that my family is willing to make a big deal out of graduations. Weddings are still a bigger deal, as they are for basically the whole world, but we do a pretty good job honoring graduations as the once-in-a-lifetime milestones and truly admirable achievements that they are. After all, any idiot can get married. Not everyone can complete a degree.